Life goes on and happiness does come!

It has been almost two years since my engagement to Jeremiah was broken. Since then i haven't really dated anyone very seriously. In fact, I had been feeling totally stuck in rut in life. Not just in love, but i wasn't growing much as a person. I was just there, sitting in my room watching movies. I needed a change.
Earlier this year i decided to go back to Dixie. I didn't really want to go to school, but i felt that i needed to be in St. George for some reason. So i figured it was school that i was supposed to be doing, even though i really don't have a motivation for school.
I am Now in St. George, i have been living with my friends, Megan and Taylor and their baby. When i first got here we hung out with their friend Jacob. It turns out that he was in my singles ward when i was at Dixie last and we were on the same committee. ANYWHO, i wanted him to ask me out all semester, and finally at the end of October he did. Our first date felt like the tenth and we have been together ever since...it is only mid Dec. now, but it feels much longer.
He is everything i ever wanted. He is strong in the LDS faith. He makes me feel like i am the most important thing in his world.  He even wrote a song for me for Christmas. Not only did he write it for me, but he wrote it for me to sing. I mean... how darn romantic is that?!?! We are both silly and love music. He is a music major and he is an amazing singer! i may post some of his stuff on my blog in the future. I am truly happy right now!! He is coming to my place for Christmas this year and i am so excited for that.

And on top of all of that I passed all of my classes with kick butt grades. Life is awesome right now!!

When something bad or sad happens in our lives just remember, life goes on and happiness does come. Maybe not on our own time table, but it does come.

(500) Days of Summer...

So, i have wanted to watch '500 Days of Summer" for a few years now and everyone LOVES that movie. I finally watched it last night.  Under normal circumstances, yes, i would live that movie, but it just reminded me of Elmer and me. I am the Joseph Gordon-Levitt character and he is Zooey.
No, as pathetic as this is i am still not over it. We broke up May 21 of 2011 and it is now Feb. 13 of 2013. What the hell? This is so stupid!! My lack of dating life isn't helping my situation. I need a different singles ward. I love my ward but i have been in the ward with the same guys for five years if they haven't asked me out yet, they wont. and if they do they just expect a good make-out every time or something. and then when we do go out or whatever, they pretend i don't exist when we are at church. I don't want to be someones secret!!  I want to be able to tell people " yeah we are soooo dating!!"   gosh i want to date!!!
 I'm sorry my blog is depressing and 97% is about or has something to do with Elmer, the one who won't leave my mind.
I Asked him once why we couldn't be friends anymore and he said that he wasn't ready to reconnect with me in a "platonic" way. so.... what about it is he not ready for? i am just a normal girl who wants a friendship...what is it he is not ready for? i gave him plenty of time... two years of time. I even gave him four years of time before we actually started dating. All i give him is time. anyways, i am still unhappy. it is not his fault, it is my own. He moved on like he was supposed to, i am just the fool who hasn't found a way to let go. The End.

She who dares to stand where i stood

Oh sorry, my bad!

Oh I'm sorry.... i thought we were called the United States of America, not the Divided States of America.  I am so sick of members of the Republican Party putting members of the Democratic Party down and vice versa! It is completely riddickulous. Why do we have to be so hostile to each other? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and vote for the candidate they think is best. I am a strong supporter of posting facts about what a candidate is planning to do and how they will do it no matter what party. I am NOT a supporter of people who post incredibly rude things about the opposite party.

And why can't the candidates just say what they are going to do and how they are going to do it and what the effects might be instead of streaching the truth out... a LOT. All candidates for all parties do that and it is just way out of hand.

I guess this post is mainly trying to say, remember who we are. We are Americans. We are free to have an opinion and share that opinion. It is also a reminder that we need to stay United as a country and not go against each other and say mean things about what another person believes in.

Thanks for reading.

Reconnecting

So, my friend Aaron from my first year of college (4 years ago) just friended me on facebook today.  I have missed him a LOT and it just made my whole life that we just reconnected today.  For the past few months i have been grumpy and depressed and not my bubbly happy self, but today when i saw his friend request i was incredibly happy all day long and reminded my co workers of how i used to be. I need more Aaron's in my life if that means i will be myself again.  the bummer is that i live in Sandy and he lives in St. George... oh well. i guess we can still be friends from far away.  I really happy today. All of these pictures are from 2008 but hey. oh well. :)

aw.. me and my roommates did his hair all pretty. :P

Old post i saved and never posted

06/2011

"Sometimes doing something that you know you HAVE to do really hurts. Sometimes you wish there was some way around it, but there is no way. Like with me, today, i had to break off a friendship with my ex boyfriend.. lets call him Elmer (obviously that is a fake name) because of some personal issues. I tried so hard to think of any way that i could just deal with it. But then i thought i could hurt a little bit more everyday of the rest of our friendship, or i could break it off now and hurt a ton for a little while and then move on with my life. I don't regret breaking off my friendship with Elmer. but that doesn't mean that i don't miss him, it doesn't mean that i am not going to have unimaginable hurt going on inside of me. He was the first guy i had ever loved and so it is very hard for me. BUT i had to do it. So i have a couple of feelings inside of me....i feel relieved, like a load has just been lifted from my shoulders, happy, and i also feel sad and hurt."

It is now July of 2012. I don't know what i was thinking when i wrote that. I still hurts with every passing day. Why?? i don't know. It is stupid, but i just can't get over it. I made a mistake that i can never take back. I wish he was still my friend. We used to go to midnight movies spur of the moment. We used to watch really weird movies. We used to drive around aimlessly. We used to go to IKEA just for fun. We used to hang out a lot. he used to give me his famous half smile. We used to just play around. I miss that. I miss his laugh, and his Joker imitations. I miss the dimple on his cheek when he smiles. imiss seeing him wear his fedora. i miss seeing how he loves his little brother. I miss seeing how he loves his whole family. i miss him talking about doing extreme sports. i miss him making me eat things i don't like. i miss his shoes (weird). i miss the mischevious look in his eye when he thinks he has a brilliant idea. I miss how he looks dumb after he wasn't able to do something he thought he could :). I miss him bringing me pepermint ice cream on Valentines day. I miss how his nose runs (again.. weird but so true). i totally miss his notebooks and his black coat. and his love for the rocketeer and peter pan. well... you get the gist of it i think.   I have to get over it.  But how do you get over five years of being close to someone. how do you get over loving someone for five years? you don't! you can't just get over it. It eats at my mind and emotions everyday, even when i don't invite it. I regret breaking the friendship off, and i still miss him. And i am hurting every day anyway so it wouldn't have made a difference. At least i would have still had him in my life. I had to put my feelings out there somewhere. cuz i am going insane keeping it inside.



I will post something positive soon.... i promise!!

Today... life just sucks... and it's all my own doing.

So i feel like a looser who cant get through school. the worst part is that i am not even motivated to do anything. I can't go where i want to go because i can't afford it and i can't quit my job. I am forced to go to a school that i hate with a firey passion. I suck at school. etc. but i guess i will take what i can get and go to a loser school that i hate so very much. I am using that as motivation to get done a fast as possible with my associates so i can get the hell out of there. hard to get done really fast when i have a full time job and everyone else working there are already going to be taking a lot of time off work to go to school themselves. So i get to do lovely night classes... that will make my already non existant social life even more unattainable. I know, i am just complaining. Everything will be okay. I think in my current depressive state i am being more dramatic than i need to be. So let's turn this frown upside down.

I am starting school again after a year break. and then a 2 year break before that school year. I am going to pass all of my classes so i can get out of that hell hole of a school. and i am going to take as many night classes as i can handle (one or two at first and see how it goes form there) I WILL eventually move away from where i am now. And i WILL get to Utah State someday. I will go to different singles ward, even if i have to use a different address to get there. I am not a stupid worthless human being like i have been thinking i was.  okay. so that is it. my thoughts are all over the place tonight. I am not the best writer and not the best blog poster. :P but oh well. until next time.