Today... life just sucks... and it's all my own doing.

So i feel like a looser who cant get through school. the worst part is that i am not even motivated to do anything. I can't go where i want to go because i can't afford it and i can't quit my job. I am forced to go to a school that i hate with a firey passion. I suck at school. etc. but i guess i will take what i can get and go to a loser school that i hate so very much. I am using that as motivation to get done a fast as possible with my associates so i can get the hell out of there. hard to get done really fast when i have a full time job and everyone else working there are already going to be taking a lot of time off work to go to school themselves. So i get to do lovely night classes... that will make my already non existant social life even more unattainable. I know, i am just complaining. Everything will be okay. I think in my current depressive state i am being more dramatic than i need to be. So let's turn this frown upside down.

I am starting school again after a year break. and then a 2 year break before that school year. I am going to pass all of my classes so i can get out of that hell hole of a school. and i am going to take as many night classes as i can handle (one or two at first and see how it goes form there) I WILL eventually move away from where i am now. And i WILL get to Utah State someday. I will go to different singles ward, even if i have to use a different address to get there. I am not a stupid worthless human being like i have been thinking i was.  okay. so that is it. my thoughts are all over the place tonight. I am not the best writer and not the best blog poster. :P but oh well. until next time.

Somebody That I Used To Know

What is it with songs and reminding me of my past today. gosh! i like this song! Correction.... LOVE this song.

So I Set the World on Fire. :)

I don't know why, but the first time i heard this song, it reminded me of my friend let's call him ELMER!  :P I super duper love this song. Enjoy my friends. enjoy.

Starting over

So my Fiance and i broke up a couple of weeks ago (mutual decision and i am okay). My friend set me up on this blind date for tonight. I am nervous SOOOOO nervous. Honestly i haven't "dated" in over a year. I was with a boyfriend since December of 2010 broke up in may 2011. Then came july and i hadn't dated at all since my breakup and then i went on one date with My ex-fiance and we have been together from july until two weeks ago. so i am very VERY out of practice with dating. i am so afraid i can't remember how to date. I'm afraid that i will make all of the first date mistakes. ugh... I hate dating :P  Starting over. it isn't easy. BLEH!! now there is my little two cents for my blog :P it has been a long while since i have posted.

Salt Lake City

It is sooo much fun to just walk around Salt Lake City. if you get board.... just go there and walk around at the Gateway then walk around town. go play in the hotels and such. look at the pics below.. i had a BLAST!! There was one point where we (Me, Jer, Amanda, and Garrett) were at a restaurant and i was doing mr napkin head and the waitress came when my face was covered so i had no clue she was there!!! so embarrassing but sooo funny! :P

me trying on hats in a shop and the Grand America Hotel

Me posing for the camera!

Tried on a tiny hat in the shop at the Grand America

Me and Jeremiah at Little America Hotel

Getting ready to do Mr. Napkin Head at Little America restaurant 

Me dong Mr. Napkin Head (from the movie The Holiday)

Some scuplture we found walking around town. 

Me being silly at one of the hotels

Me

And me again.

Where have i been?

When i started this blog, i really thought that I was going to write more. BUT i haven't. Oh well. The posts that i have posted aren't all the great either, but it's MY blog, so i guess it doesn't matter. It is about 3:00am and i can't sleep. I have two ear infections and a sinus infection AND a cold, so i am very uncomfortable.  I also don't like to sleep cuz my recent past has been creeping it's way into my dreams and it is not very happy making.

 I am SOO happy that i have Jeremiah in my life. He saves me from my sadness and sickness. He comes over and for a brief time i forget that i feel so sick and miserable. How did i ever get so lucky to catch a guy like him? before i met him, i thought i deserved to be treated the way i was treated. I thought that that was normal and that i couldn't find any better for myself. being with Jeremiah has been a big adjustment for me, a good adjustment, but big. at first i didn't want to see him as often or cuddle as much and felt creeped out when he did because i was so used to being denied of affection of any sort most of the time. and when i wasn't denied that affection it was only given to me so my feelings weren't hurt (Some of the time) Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad, there were soo many good times. but all of these other times overshadow the good times now. It was like pulling teeth to get him to hang out with me even once a week. With Jer...he jumps at any chance to come see me every day. He always wants to hold my hand and tell me that he loves me every chance he gets and then some :) I'm lovin it!!

I guess my post is very scatterbrained... forgive me... i'm tired and have some bottled up feelings i am releasing a little bit. Don't worry, I won't unleash all of them at once. 

bottom line......i can't wait to be married to my JERJERBEAR!

The worst they can say is "No"

I have a huge fear of auditioning for things. That is why i was NEVER in my high school plays, or in any community plays, or college plays.  I was afraid that if they said "no" then i would never want to sing or audition for anything ever again, so i just didn't. Now, years later, i realize i was already thinking low of my talents. What would have happened if i just auditioned? the worst anyone could say is "no".
For my choir that i am in (Sterling Singers) the first soprano's have to audition because they want clear on pitch voices on the high notes. My mom was trying to get me to audition and i wouldn't even give myself a chance. I gave up before i even tried. I said to my mom "no mom.. i will just be a 2nd soprano cuz i am not going to audition. and it took about five minutes of my mother telling me to "just do it, the worst he can say is no" and i finally decided to audition. I was scared out of my pants. I hadn't auditioned for anything in a very long time, years even.  our director had us sing the high A in the Hallelujah Chorus " and he shall rein for ever and ever" and then the next part where to soprano's hold out the " king of kiiiiiiiiiiiiings and lord of looooooords" where it progressively gets higher and higher.  A few ladies were before me and they were so quiet and dind't do very well and i was like " if they can't do it then i can't either" but then my name was called and i guess i was kinda quiet through the first part and i rocked the second part. then the director asked me to sing that first part again and i did it loud and clear and the director said "oh there you are, hello Lynette" and he gave me much praise. he didn't not give any of the other ladies praise, so i am pretty proud of myself. then i was done and i left and today (4 days later) i get an email saying i am invited to sing 1st soprano!!!!!!  I DID IT!!! and to think i was going to back down and not even try.... i am going to audition for things from now on. at least try... cuz you never know.... you might get exactly what you came for. :)