Where have i been?

When i started this blog, i really thought that I was going to write more. BUT i haven't. Oh well. The posts that i have posted aren't all the great either, but it's MY blog, so i guess it doesn't matter. It is about 3:00am and i can't sleep. I have two ear infections and a sinus infection AND a cold, so i am very uncomfortable.  I also don't like to sleep cuz my recent past has been creeping it's way into my dreams and it is not very happy making.

 I am SOO happy that i have Jeremiah in my life. He saves me from my sadness and sickness. He comes over and for a brief time i forget that i feel so sick and miserable. How did i ever get so lucky to catch a guy like him? before i met him, i thought i deserved to be treated the way i was treated. I thought that that was normal and that i couldn't find any better for myself. being with Jeremiah has been a big adjustment for me, a good adjustment, but big. at first i didn't want to see him as often or cuddle as much and felt creeped out when he did because i was so used to being denied of affection of any sort most of the time. and when i wasn't denied that affection it was only given to me so my feelings weren't hurt (Some of the time) Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad, there were soo many good times. but all of these other times overshadow the good times now. It was like pulling teeth to get him to hang out with me even once a week. With Jer...he jumps at any chance to come see me every day. He always wants to hold my hand and tell me that he loves me every chance he gets and then some :) I'm lovin it!!

I guess my post is very scatterbrained... forgive me... i'm tired and have some bottled up feelings i am releasing a little bit. Don't worry, I won't unleash all of them at once. 

bottom line......i can't wait to be married to my JERJERBEAR!

The worst they can say is "No"

I have a huge fear of auditioning for things. That is why i was NEVER in my high school plays, or in any community plays, or college plays.  I was afraid that if they said "no" then i would never want to sing or audition for anything ever again, so i just didn't. Now, years later, i realize i was already thinking low of my talents. What would have happened if i just auditioned? the worst anyone could say is "no".
For my choir that i am in (Sterling Singers) the first soprano's have to audition because they want clear on pitch voices on the high notes. My mom was trying to get me to audition and i wouldn't even give myself a chance. I gave up before i even tried. I said to my mom "no mom.. i will just be a 2nd soprano cuz i am not going to audition. and it took about five minutes of my mother telling me to "just do it, the worst he can say is no" and i finally decided to audition. I was scared out of my pants. I hadn't auditioned for anything in a very long time, years even.  our director had us sing the high A in the Hallelujah Chorus " and he shall rein for ever and ever" and then the next part where to soprano's hold out the " king of kiiiiiiiiiiiiings and lord of looooooords" where it progressively gets higher and higher.  A few ladies were before me and they were so quiet and dind't do very well and i was like " if they can't do it then i can't either" but then my name was called and i guess i was kinda quiet through the first part and i rocked the second part. then the director asked me to sing that first part again and i did it loud and clear and the director said "oh there you are, hello Lynette" and he gave me much praise. he didn't not give any of the other ladies praise, so i am pretty proud of myself. then i was done and i left and today (4 days later) i get an email saying i am invited to sing 1st soprano!!!!!!  I DID IT!!! and to think i was going to back down and not even try.... i am going to audition for things from now on. at least try... cuz you never know.... you might get exactly what you came for. :)